It seems so surreal……we’ve never been in this situation before.  At first it was fun…more time with the kids, baking cookies, playing family games together, and bonding like never before!  But, one day you notice that the kids are restless, the house is a mess AGAIN, he is channel surfing or snoozing in his chair and seems distant and detached and she won’t shut up about the messy house, finances, and the kids who are driving her crazy!!  What you may not realize is that the way you each handle stress could be causing more stress.

First of all, let’s discuss how outside stress affects our bodies.  Stress causes our bodies to produce two hormones – adrenaline and cortisol.  We’ve all heard of adrenaline and the effect it has on our body.  Cortisol, the other hormone,  is called the flight or fight hormone,  Our bodies were designed to produce these two hormones to give us a temporary burst of energy and mental clarity.  For example, our ancestors would need this when running from a dangerous animal to safety.  Or, if they chose to fight, they had a short spurt of extraordinary strength.  However, our bodies are not designed to use these hormones for long periods of time. If these hormones are used constantly to deal with stress, they start pulling the natural feel good hormones (testosterone and oxytocin) from our bodies, plus other bodily functions are temporarily halted to compensate for the additional sources needed to produce cortisol and adrenaline; thus causing digestive problems and breaking down our immune systems, which is something we really need during this pandemic.

Men and women handle stress differently.  Women want to talk about it.  They don’t need for the man to fix it.  She just wants to feel heard!!  Men need to detach and not think about it.  But, not realizing how we handle stress differently than our partner, it actually causes more stress!

Here are 10 things you can do to make this difficult time easier to manage and get along with your partner:

For Her:

1.  Don’t try to make him talk about his stress.  That will only make it worse.  Give him the time and space to work things out in his brain
2. Allow him some cave time or time watching tv, napping, doing hobbies he enjoys, etc. knowing this will lead to relieving his stress.
3. .Ask him if you can speak with him for a few minutes about what’s bothering you and tell him he doesn’t have to fix it, you just need to voice your concerns so you can feel better.
4. Ask him to help with a task that he can do immediately.  Men like to please us.  They relieve stress and build testosterone by accomplishing tasks or solving problems.
5.  Don’t get angry or blame him for not helping.  Most men like to be asked for help.  He cannot read your mind, nor does he see things the same as you do.

For Him:

1.  Take a few minutes listening to what Is bothering her.  Women relieve stress by talking about it.  Validate her feelings.
2. Don’t try to fix it.  Women don’t want you to fix it, they want to know that you understand.
3. Women become overwhelmed when they are stressed, so offer to watch the kids while she does something nice for herself – like taking a bath or a nap.  Or, offer to help with the chores, relieving her so she can pursue a hobby or do something that makes her happy.  This will lower her stress hormones and her body is then free to produce more oxytocin, which is the feel good hormone for her.
4. Understand that sometimes she make need to talk to her mother or friends to help relieve her stress.
5. Don’t belittle or blame!  Make sure that you are in a calm space before having a discussion and show that you are there to support her and make things better.

Please contact me if you have any questions or if I can help in any way.  My contact information if below and I do have a few spots left if you would like to work with me one-on-one. For a free evaluation, please fill out the free clarity consultation or contact me directly using the contact information provided.

Be well and be safe!  Stay home and save lives!

 

Gaye Magee
Certified Mars Venus Success Coach
gayemagee@gmail.com
949.310.3954